Three Steps For Dealing With Setbacks

Setbacks happen to everyone. Whether you’re building your own business, trying to lose weight, or fostering better relationships with family members. Things can’t go smoothly all the time, that’s just a fact of life, but don’t get so caught up on the ‘downs’ that you forget the many ‘ups’ that got you to where you are at this point.

However, just because setbacks happen doesn’t mean it’s the end of your dream. The key is to stop thinking of setbacks as failures and see them, instead, as a natural part of the process and a real opportunity for growth.

Here are some ways to deal with setbacks:


You just faced a setback! This means that something happened to derail plans that you’ve been working really, really hard on. That’s harsh and deserves a suitable period of mourning. Give yourself that time to feel bad for yourself and don’t feel guilty about it. But, and this is key to achieving anything, make that time finite. Set yourself a limit and then start the rebuilding process.


When things don’t go well, our emotions go into overdrive and it’s difficult to see things as they really are. However, although it’s really painful to see things that we have worked really hard for not go according to plan, now, more than ever, it’s important to stop for a while. Do nothing on impulse, don’t succumb to the pressure to ‘fix things now’ , and step back from the situation. When you’ve cleared your head and can see the facts without emotional bias, that’s when you can truly start figuring out your next moves. Ask yourself what went wrong. How did you and other factors contribute to this? What could you have done differently? What can you do to help things now -objectively, not emotionally. Write these things down so you can see them concretely in front of you.


It’s important, when we have goals, to look at the big picture. The better health a year from now, the publishing of your first book, or a happier home life. These things can keep us going. However, sometimes it helps just to think of getting through things a day at a time. Don’t think of how hard a year of waking up early to write your book, or a year of changing your diet will be – just tell yourself you just need to make it to tomorrow. If you’ve just been thrown a huge setback, ask yourself what you can do to make things better tomorrow. And then, the next tomorrow. And the one after that.  Soon, you’ll be back in the swing of things again!

And above all, remember this : only people who take risks, work hard to follow their dreams, or even just HAVE dreams to begin with, face setbacks in the first place! It means you’re out there working towards something. And THAT is a good and brave thing.

Focus: Or The Power of A Timeout


We all feel harried at times by the pressures that life, and sometimes we alone, put on ourselves. During those times, whether we notice it or not, many physical changes can occur: our breathing becomes shallow or we might even hold our breath; we become tense and overloaded by every little thing that’s going on and get angry and frustrated by even the smallest inconveniences. That’s when the power of focus comes in. For a few minutes at least, while you are feeling this way, try and put everything else out of your mind and focus on simple, uncomplicated things- like taking slow, deep breaths, admiring the beauty and details of a flower, or even really studying the forms and lines of the stapler on your desk. Whatever you chose, really focus on it- so that your mind and thoughts slow down and, even if just for a few minutes, you will experience peace and a liberating change in perspective.

Take these beautiful rhododendrons, for example. I was having a stressful morning. You know, one of those mornings when you’re running late and the cat knocks over her water dish and your toast burns and you got about five hours of sleep as usual and that of course inevitably sets you on a downward spiral of negative self assessment and wondering how you’ve managed to waste most of your life and whether you’re actually even doing anything purposeful now … well, you get the idea. With each passing moment, I could feel myself getting more and more agitated as I was waiting for the bus. Well, to be clear, waiting for the NEXT bus -since I already missed the first one. By a minute.

In the middle of all of this, I looked over and saw these beautiful rhododendrons. And I wish I could say that their beauty immediately bettered my mood but to be honest, I just glanced at them for a few minutes before resuming my internal grumbling and worrying.  I did, however, eventually decide that while it came down to me to make whatever life-altering long-term changes I needed to, I can also choose not to ‘sweat the small stuff’ today. Annoying things happen but they don’t have to derail your life – you owe it to yourself to pick happiness as often as you can. So, I looked at those flowers again- and this time felt wonder at every detail. That shockingly beautiful shade of pink, the tiny pearls in the center, the delicate papery petals. I focused on all of those things and while my problems still remained, I found myself in a better mood to deal with them.